Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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