fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
