I think I just saw someone hide a body.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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