I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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