she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
