i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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