He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
