Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
