New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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