man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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