he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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