Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
