I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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