He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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