i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
