So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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