So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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