Tell her she can't have a vagina
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
