i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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