Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My feet surprised me
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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