Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
