Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
not ubering you a puppy
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
