I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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