Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I checked into jail on foursquare
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
