you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
