so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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