we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
