Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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