In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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