Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
