guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I wish i was in the wii world.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
