ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
