Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
