If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
