Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
That's when you crack a 10am beer
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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