omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
