And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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