Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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