yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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