fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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