You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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