New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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