she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
