Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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