it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
