i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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