dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
