College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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