My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
