i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
