Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
